Whispering Smith Column published in the Littlehampton Gazette June 15th. 2017

Are you a cat owner? That question makes no sense at all, you cannot own a cat, the cat owns you. So, let me simply ask, do you have a live-in cat companion who takes advantage of your every kindness including paying impressive vet bills, sometimes shows you a little affection and only pretends to listen to what you have to say? And is this cat a food expert and terribly fickle about his or her grub? I say his or her because although mine is a female of the variety I suspect a male is of an equally cantankerous disposition. For a while she will only eat Whiskas or Sheba no matter what else is on offer. Then she will only eat Felix and turns her nose up at the Whiskas and so it goes on through the whole of the Sainsbury and Tesco range. Suddenly she tires of the more expensive pet shop offerings and when finished with that it is only fresh fish for a while or, the very latest, bacon lardons – I only discovered that when I dropped one on the floor and she nearly took my hand off as I sought to retrieve it. And what’s not to like about cold chicken breasts? Well I have had enough of her messing me about and this morning I told her so, made it quite clear that she had to eat that which was in her bowl or go without… She went without and developed a horribly pitiful meow every time she clapped eyes on me. So, I told her in no uncertain terms that I was taking her to the supermarket and would let her choose considering she thought herself as the culinary cat’s whiskers! Needless to say, we are no longer on speaking terms and I am thinking, if Hattie and Toby are not watching, of sending her to live on that mysterious farm in the country… (Just in case you read this, Cat, I’m only kidding!)