Saint Valentine, Mr. Fox And Missing Trees…

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March 2, 2013 by Whispering Smith

Published in the Littlehampton Gazette on 21st. February 2013

DON’T PANIC, Captain Mainwaring! There are no packs of wild foxes wandering the streets of LA, this isn’t Alaska. In the UK we have foxes not wolves and the fox does not run in a pack, adults even kick their young out when mature enough to fend for themselves, they are loners. Follow the sensible advice: Do not leave food out, secure your waste and maybe, if you are that concerned, use a proprietary spray around your garden. The furore for a cull instigated by Boris Johnson is a non starter for all sorts of reasons the most important of which is it just wouldn’t work. Out of control dogs cause far more harm to children and domestic pets and I don’t see anyone rushing to cull them! Gus The Fox on Twitter said it best though. ‘Boris Johnson just said that “foxes look cuddly, but they’re a dangerous menace”. He can talk…’

A LARGE majority of the LA shops seem to have changed colour this week losing the bright sexy reds of Valentine’s Day. Strange how the ‘Saint’ part is so often left off by those flogging lovely red roses – singles or in bunches of ten – what happened to a dozen red roses? Must take that up with Mr Cameron, probably something to do with the EU. Anyway, there were several Valentines, most of which appear to have come to sticky ends. One Valentine was imprisoned by Emperor Claudius for performing troop weddings when such unions had been forbidden – it was thought that single men made better soldiers! For this, Val got the chop but prior to his demise he sent a card to his jailer’s daughter, a lady whom he had befriended, signing it as ‘Your Valentine.’ And so it began. The saintliness may have gone out of the day but not for the pubs, clubs, restaurants, superstores, florists and greeting card manufacturers who see St.Val, during this quiet time of the year ‘twixt Christmas and Easter, as a bit of a Godsend!

I PRIDE myself on being observant, so how come a friend had to point out to me that the two large trees in the High Street opposite the Crown pub have vanished? Rustled? Now that I know they have gone I really miss them. 

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